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Courageous

Wow, has it really been since January?  I thought when I started this blog I would be writing things daily or at least weekly.  I really need to start doing this more often instead of just photographing my journey though Instagram.   Since January, my family has sold our custom built home, remodeled a new one, swam in our new pool, celebrated three more birthdays, and started some new things.  I even won "Rookie of the Year" and received the Bronze Award, established more relationships with new clients, and sold more homes!  I can't believe I didn't blog about any of it!!  Maybe today this is God's way to ask me to write out my prayers?  OR maybe it's just bringing my old self to life?  Either way, here goes...

Today it's 80 something degrees, windy, and humid!  However, it's supposed to drop in the 60s and my son is supposed to play in one of his last football games far away from home in Guymon, Oklahoma.  Last because he's a senior and this will be the last time he will have to make that trip as a high school football player.  All I can think about is how my ear is aching, how my nose won't stop running, and that I should probably stay home out of the wind to rest and medicate myself!  But, is that really all I am thinking about?  NO!  I'm thinking about how my first love is graduating high school, how I've possibly made a horrible business decision 6 months ago, and how I miss my grandmother terribly!  

Life...life is what is happening right now and I can't seem to shake the feeling of drowning.  Has anyone felt like this before?  I'm usually not one to hold anything back so, this feeling is a bit out of the realm to me.  Recently I posted my biggest why on why I decided to jump on the real estate band wagon on a social media page (if you haven't already read it, you should #wimpbutcourageous).  I know there's always someone out there with bigger problems but, I wanted everyone to know that being courageous is hard.  I wanted those that thought they were broken that they really aren't.  I wanted people to know that judging people by what you may think is happening is really not happening.  Go talk to someone and remind yourself that you're not alone or a wimp!  In real estate, not only am I helping people with their new adventure in life but, I'm also helping myself be courageous as well.  Goodness, I feel like a hipocrite right now.  Why?  Because I've done all those things in the past and here I am feeding your soul with less than perfect words. I'm human though, right?  You see, that's a lot for me to stomach.  I don't want to just feel like I'm human.  I want to feel like I'm making a difference in someone's life and that making mistakes because I'm human is an excuse I'm not willing to make.  I guess that's where the OCD comes in to play.  I'm a perfectionist and being courageous might make me step out of my comfort zone too much and might make me be less than perfect.  "Made a Wrong Turn Once of Twice"  comes to mind.  I'm tired you all!!  Tired of trying to be perfect.  I thought my real estate journey would give me peace!  Give me a peace of mind.  A piece of someone else's void.  But, that's not true!  It's given me more than that.  More than I could ever imagine so, that's why when I say I will not let my mistakes overtake me, I mean it.  I'm going to get back up and be courageous!  I will not let my emotions, other people's thoughts rule mine, and the fact that my baby boy is graduating take away from my happiness.  #businessbasedoncourage

Yes, that part is hard but I should be happy not sad!  Him graduating that is.  I am happy that he will begin a new journey.  Another journey that I get to be a part of that makes my heart scream with love.  One that no one will be able to take away from me!  I've been so down as most moms would during this time.  Because I'm scared! Scared that I'll no longer have things to do with my husband.  Scared that he'll make bad decisions.  Scared that he'll meet a girl who will make his life miserable.  Scared that he'll leave home and never come back.  These are the moments I want to share with my grandma.  I miss sharing all my thoughts and getting hugs from her.  She would tell me it will be okay.   I again will be courageous and bounce back up and be reminded that even though she's gone, she's still here!  

I know in my heart today she is shining down on me helping me write this blog post. I know this because today I noticed her picture faces me on my bookcase.  I didn't do that on purpose.  It's like her vision for me is there.  I also never noticed until now that her name means "Adventurer".  "Your hands have made me, give me understanding that I may learn your commandments". So maybe she has left a little bit of adventure for me.  



Now back to "My Silly Life"!!

Until next time, stay OCD ~ Erica


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